Spouses Who Want to Reconcile

If both spouses are in agreement to stop divorce proceedings, the first step is to contact your attorney(s). Depending upon the status of your petition to divorce, you may or may not be able to halt the process. You should be able to stop the divorce if judgement has not been granted yet.

One Spouse Wants to Reconcile

If one spouse wants to go forward with the divorce, there’s not much to be done to stop the proceedings. The spouse who filed the petition for divorce needs to withdraw that petition. There are ways to delay the proceedings if you feel like your spouse just needs some time to get on the path to reconciliation. Talk with your attorney about these option.

Reconciliation Stats

A study by the University of Akron shows that 50% of spouses who separate will return to the marriage in an on-again, off-again type relationship. 90% of those filing for divorce will reconcile after filing.

Contributing Factors

Demographic factors leading to divorce include a young age at first marriage, family stability, social class and level of education.

Social factors leading to divorce include changes in divorce law (making divorces easier and more socially acceptable to obtain), economic instability and changing financial demands.

The individual factors most commonly leading to divorce include maturity levels and fading interest in each other.

Ways to Reconcile

If you’re intent on reconciling your marriage before it leads to divorce, try these nine psychological tasks for a good marriage, as published by the American Psychological Association.

1. Separate emotionally from the family you grew up in; not to the point of estrangement, but enough so that your identity is separate from that of your parents and siblings.

2. Build togetherness based on shared intimacy and identity, while at the same time set boundaries to protect each partner’s autonomy.

3. Establish a rich and pleasurable sexual relationship and protect it from the intrusions of the workplace and family obligations.

4. For couples with children, embrace the daunting roles of parenthood and absorb the impact of a baby’s entrance into the marriage. Learn to continue the work of protecting the privacy of you and your spouse as a couple.

5. Comfort and master the inevitable crisis of life.

6. Maintain the strength of the marital bond in the face of adversity. The marriage should be a safe haven in which partners are able to express their differences, anger and conflict.

7. Use humor and laughter to keep things in perspective and to avoid boredom and isolation.

8. Nurture and support each other, satisfying each partner’s needs for dependency and offering continuing encouragement and support.

9. Keep alive the early romantic, idealized images of falling in love, while facing the sober realities of the changes wrought by time.

Keep these tips in mind as you and your spouse work to reconcile your marriage and avoid divorce. Smart Marriages’ Crossroads of Divorce states that more than 94% of married couples in Utah said that their marriage was in trouble at some point, yet were glad that they were still together.

The fees to file for divorce vary by state, as do the waiting periods and possible mandatory separations prior to filing. Here’s the breakdown by state:

Alabama: $154 in filing fees with no waiting period before filing

Alaska: $150 in filing fees with no waiting period before filing

Arizona: $321 in filing fees with no waiting period before filing

Arkansas: $165 in filing fees with an 18-month mandatory separation prior to filing

California: $395 in filing fees with no waiting period before filing

Colorado: $230 in filing fees with no mandatory separation

Connecticut: $225 in filing fees and an 18-month mandatory separation prior to filing

Delaware: $150 in filing fees and a six-month mandatory separation prior to filing

District of Columbia: $80 in filing fees and a six-month mandatory separation prior to filing

Florida: $409 in filing fees  with no mandatory separation

Georgia: $218.50 in filing fees with no mandatory separation

Hawaii: $175 in filing fees with no mandatory separation

Idaho: $129 in filing fees with no mandatory separation

Illinois: $337 in filing fees with a six-month mandatory separation prior to filing

Indiana: $157 in filing fees with no mandatory separation

Iowa: $185 in filing fees with no mandatory separation

Kansas: $180 in filing fees with no mandatory separation

Kentucky: $148 in filing fees with a 60-day waiting period after filing

Louisiana: $324.50 in filing fees with an 180-day mandatory separation prior to filing

Maine: $120 in filing fees with no mandatory separation

Maryland: $135 in filing fees with a 12-month mandatory separation prior to filing

Massachusetts: $215 in filing fees with no mandatory separation

Michigan: $150 in filing fees with no mandatory separation

Minnesota: $402 in filing fees with no mandatory separation

Mississippi: $52 in filing fees with no mandatory separation

Missouri: $180 in filing fees with no mandatory separation

Montana: $200 in filing fees with an 180-day mandatory separation prior to filing

Nebraska: $157 in filing fees with no mandatory separation

Nevada: $289 in filing fees with a one-year mandatory separation prior to filing

New Hampshire: $180 in filing fees with no mandatory separation

New Jersey: $250 in filing fees and an 18-month wait before decree

New Mexico: $137 in filing fees with no mandatory separation

New York: $335 in filing fees with no mandatory separation

North Carolina: $225 in filing fees with a one-year mandatory separation before filing

North Dakota: $80 in filing fees with no mandatory separation

Ohio: $175 in filing fees with a one-year mandatory separation before filing

Oklahoma: $186 in filing fees with no mandatory separation prior to filing

Oregon: $260 in filing fees with no mandatory separation prior to filing

Pennsylvania: $316.98 in filing fees with no mandatory separation prior to filing

Rhode Island: $120 in filing fees with no mandatory separation prior to filing

South Carolina: $150 in filing fees with a one-year cooling off period prior to decree

South Dakota: $95 in filing fees with no mandatory separation prior to filing

Tennessee: $301.50 in filing fees with no mandatory separation prior to filing

Texas: $235 in filing fees with no mandatory separation prior to filing

Utah: $310 in filing fees with no mandatory separation prior to filing

Vermont: $262.50 in filing fees with a cooling off period of 6 months prior to decree

Virginia: $84 in filing fees with a cooling off period of 6 months prior to decree

Washington: $280 in filing fees with no mandatory separation prior to filing

West Virginia: $135 in filing fees with a one-year mandatory separation period prior to filing

Wisconsin: $188 in filing fees with no mandatory separation prior to filing

Wyoming: $70 in filing fees with no mandatory separation prior to filing

 

Waiting for a divorce to be finalized can seem to take forever and a day. The state in which you live has regulations which dictate the minimum amount of time this process will take. Here are the minimum requirements for each state and the District of Columbia.

Alabama

Divorce in Alabama takes 7 months or more, with a 210 day minimum processing time and a filing fee of $154.

Alaska

Alaska has a minimum processing time of 30 days and a filing fee of $150.

Arizona

Arizona has a relatively high divorce filing fee of $321 and a relatively long minimum processing time of 150 days.

Arkansas

An 18-month separation prior to filing for divorce in Arkansas is the longest in the country, leading to their 540-day minimum processing time. Filing fees are $165.

California

California’s six-month cooling off period after filing is the longest in the country. Their filing fees, $395, are also among the most expensive in the country.

Colorado

Filing fees are $230 and the minimum processing time is 180 for divorce in Colorado.

Connecticut

Connecticut requires a $225 filing fee and 90 days minimum processing time for divorce.

Delaware

Delaware requires a six-month (180 day) minimum processing time and $150 to file for divorce.

District of Columbia

A six-month separation and $80 in filing fees is required to file for divorce in Washington, D.C.

Florida

Florida charges the highest filing fee in America, $409, in addition to a 200-day waiting period.

Georgia

Filing fees of $218.50 and minimum processing time of 210 days are required for divorce in Georgia.

Hawaii

Seven months (210 days) of minimum processing time and a filing fee of $175 is required for divorce in Hawaii.

Idaho

The minimum processing time for a divorce in Idaho is 62 days and requires a filing fee of $129.

Illinois

A six-month separation and $337 for fees is required to file for divorce in Illinois.

Indiana

A 240-day minimum processing time and $157 in filing fees is required to file for divorce in Indiana.

Iowa

A filing fee of $185 and minimum processing time of 90 days is required in Iowa.

Kansas

In order to file for divorce in Kansas, a filing fee of $180 is required, along with a minimum processing time of 120 days.

Kentucky

Kentucky’s mandatory 2-month separation doesn’t require separate residences, as long as the spouses abstain from sexual activity. Kentucky does require 180 days of minimum processing time and $148 in filing fees.

Louisiana

A hefty filing fee of $324.50 and 180 days of minimum processing time is required for divorce in Louisiana.

Maine

Maine requires a minimum processing time of 60 days and a filing fee of $120 for divorce.

Maryland

A one-year mandatory separation before filing, as well as $135 in filing fees, is required for divorce in Maryland.

Massachusetts

A $215 filing fee and a minimum processing time of 120 days is required for divorce in Massachusetts.

Michigan

240 days minimum processing time and $150 in filing fees is required for divorce in Michigan.

Minnesota

Minnesota has the second-highest fee for filing divorce at $402. Their minimum processing time is 180 days.

Mississippi

Mississippi’s filing fees are the lowest in the states, at $52. The minimum processing time is 240 days.

Missouri

After the required three-month residency, you can file for divorce in Missouri for $180. A one-month waiting period is required after filing.

Montana

A relatively long minimum processing time – 110 days – and a filing feel of $200 are required for a divorce in Montana.

Nebraska

Nebraska has a two-month cooling off period after filing for divorce, which will cost $157 in filing fees.

Nevada

For a filing fee of $289 and a 42-day minimum processing time, a divorce can be had in Nevada.

New Hampshire

New Hampshire has no minimum processing time for divorce. There’s no minimum residency and no mandatory separation time. Adding in a filing fee of only $180, and New Hampshire becomes one of the best places in the United States for a cheap and quick divorce.

New Jersey

A six-month separation before filing, along with $250 in filing fees, is required in New Jersey.

New Mexico

New Mexico requires $137 in filing fees and a minimum processing time of 180 days for divorce.

New York

New York requires 360 days of minimum processing time along with $335 in filing fees.

North Carolina

North Carolina mandates a minimum one-year separation and $225 in filing fees.

North Dakota

A low filing fee – just $80 – and a long minimum processing time – 180 days – are required for a North Dakota divorce.

Ohio

Ohio requires 210 days for minimum processing time and $175 in filing fees for divorce.

Oklahoma

Filing fee? $186. Minimum processing time? 190 days.

Oregon

Oregon requires a filing fee of $260 and 270 days minimum processing time.

Pennsylvania

270 days minimum processing time and $316.98 in filing fees are required for divorce in Pennsylvania.

Rhode Island

Rhode Island requires a five-month cooling off period after filing for divorce, leading to a 510-day minimum processing time. Filing fees are $120.

South Carolina

A one-year minimum separation prior to filing and filing fees of $150 lead to longer processing times for divorces in South Carolina.

South Dakota

It costs $95 to file for divorce in South Dakota, and requires a 60-day minimum processing time.

Tennessee

For a divorce in Tennessee, the filing fee is $301.50 and the required minimum processing time is 60 days.

Texas

After filing – which costs $235 – Texas requires a two-month mandatory waiting period before the divorce is final.

Utah

Utah requires 180 days and $310 in filing fees for divorce.

Vermont

A six-month mandatory separation prior to filing (which will cost $262.50) and a three-month cooling off period lead to one of the longest processing times in the country – 450 days.

Virginia

Virginia’s requirements include a six-month separation and filing fees of $84 for divorce.

Washington

Washington requires a 90-day cooling off period after filing for divorce, along with $280 in filing fees.

West Virginia

West Virginia’s minimum processing time is at a full year and the filing fee is $135.

Wisconsin

The nation’s third-longest waiting period after filing, four months, is found in Wisconsin, along with filing fees of $188.

Wyoming

Wyoming’s minimum processing time is just 80 days, and has the second-lowest filing fee in the US, just $70.

Source: Bloomberg “The Best and Worst States for Getting Divorced“

What Is an Uncontested Divorce?

Up to 95% of divorces are uncontested. The two parties come to an agreement; with or without the help of lawyers, mediators, counselors. This agreement includes all aspects of the divorce; including custody, support and division of property. Coming to an agreement prior to going to court can save on attorney fees. Types of uncontested divorces include collaborative divorce, mediated divorce and most military divorce.

In a collaborative divorce, the parties use attorneys trained in mediation to negotiate an offering that can be agreed upon by both parties. Mediated divorce uses mediators to offer suggestions, help clarify communications, and provide legal advice. The mediator can be one party, attorney or trained professional, who works to ensure that both spouses feel the agreement is equitable.

These types of divorce are often “no-fault,” in which the petitioner is not required to show wrongdoing on the defender’s part. A 2004 Stanford Business School study found that the passing of no-fault divorce laws led to a 6 – 18% reduction in female suicide, 30% reduction in domestic violence against both men and women, and a reduction in the domestic murder rate for women.

Once an agreement is reached, the spouses will appear in front of a judge to have the agreement signed into order by the judge. The agreement must meet the state’s child support and custody guidelines, and the judge must agree that the arrangement is fair and equitable to all parties.

Uncontested divorce is usually the quickest and least expensive method of getting divorced. By having both spouses agree on the arrangement before heading into court, legal fees to attorneys and court costs are kept to a minimum.

Reasons For Divorce

According to a study by Utah State University, the factors leading to a high risk of divorce include getting married at a young age, lack of education, lack of income, premarital cohabitation, premarital childbearing and pregnancy, lack of religious affiliation, parents’ divorce, and insecurity.

The same study shows the reasons given for divorce were lack of commitment (73%), too much arguing (56%), infidelity (55%), marrying too young (46%), unrealistic expectations (45%), lack of equality in the relationship (44%), lack of preparation for the marriage (41%) and abuse (29%).

Marriage and Divorce Statistics

According to the Center for Disease Control (CDC), there are 2,118,000 marriages in the US. 6.8 per 1,000 of the population is married. 3.6 per 1,000 of the population is divorced (including data from 44 states and the District of Columbia).

The often quoted statistic that 50% of marriages end in divorce is based on these numbers, but may not be accurate. According to the American Psychological Association, that number is 40-50% for first marriages, but the divorce rate for subsequent marriages is even higher.

Are happier marriages owed, in part, to location? Why do some states have higher or lower divorce rates? Wondering about the future of your marriage? Perhaps it’s time to relocate to one of these states with the lowest divorce rates.

Connecticut

The CDC has the divorce rate in Connecticut at 3.1 in 2011, up from 2.9 in 2010. That means 3.1 out of 1,000 residents are divorced in Connecticut’s population of 3,596,080.

New York

Perhaps surprisingly, New York has the 9th-lowest divorce rate in the US, at 2.9 per 1,000 residents. With a population of over 19.6 million residents, New York is one of the largest and least-divorced states in America. The low divorce rate may be due to a comparably low marriage rate.

New Jersey

New Jersey, too, has a low divorce rate of just 2.9 per 1,000 residents. This may be partially due to the age at which residents get married – the national average is 26.5 for women and 28.4 for men. Jersey’s residents, however, have an average age of 28 (women) and 30.2 (men).

Maryland

Maryland also has the low divorce rate of 2.9 per 1,000 residents. Maryland is the richest state in the union, with a median household income of nearly $73,000 (US Census). Whether it’s because the high income leads to less arguments about money or because a divorce would lead to a significant change in lifestyle, money seems to be a factor in Maryland’s happy marriages.

Wisconsin

Another on the list of states with a divorce rate of 2.9, Wisconsin has a high rate of high school graduates, at more than 90%. 26% also have bachelor’s degrees. Higher levels of education equal lower levels of divorce in the United States.

Pennsylvania

Pennsylvania has a divorce rate of just 2.8 for its 12,773,801 residents and is just one of the five states in the Northeast with the 10 lowest divorce rates. That’s right – half of the states with the lowest rates of divorce are in the Northeast.

North Dakota

North Dakota has a divorce rate of just 2.7 per 1,000 of it’s 844,877 residents. North Dakota also has a high marriage rate and a median age of 37.0. Steady populations, above-average income, below-average unemployment and getting married at older ages may contribute to more, happier marriages in North Dakota.

Massachusetts

Alimony can be permanent in Massachusetts and is at the discretion of the judge. Perhaps this leads to the low divorce rate of just 2.7 per 1,000 residents.

Illinois

Illinois has a divorce rate of just 2.6 per 1,000 residents, the lowest of any state which has banned same-sex marriages.

Iowa

Iowa has the lowest divorce rate in the country, just 2.4 per 1,000 residents – Perhaps because of low poverty rates, perhaps because of the farming family lifestyle that so often comes to mind as one drives through Iowa. Regardless of the reasons, Iowa has far less divorces per 1,000 residents than any other state in the union.

 

The national average, according to these same CDC statistics, is 3.76. States closest to the average include New Hampshire, Oregon, and Virginia at 3.8; North Carolina and Utah at 3.7; and Delaware and Vermont at 3.6.

Sources:

Divorce rates from CDC/NCHS, National Vital Statistics System

Population data from Wikipedia

Does where you live change the likelihood that your anticipation of “happily ever after” will crumble into divorce? Does your state of residence have a favorably low divorce rate? Not if you live in one of these states with the highest divorce rates. Oddly enough, it is the CDC (Center for Disease Control) which keeps track of these statistics. This is from their most recent data (2011) and does not include numbers for California, Georgia, Hawaii, Indiana, Louisiana or Minnesota. Population is according to Wikipedia.

Kentucky

In 2011, Kentucky had a divorce rate of 4.4 per 1,000 total population. This is down from 4.5 in 2010. Kentucky’s population is nearly 4.4 million.

Colorado

More than 300 days of sunshine each year isn’t keeping couples together. Colorado’s divorce rate is also 4.4, up from 4.3 in 2010. With a population of more than 5.2 million, that’s more than 23,000 divorces.

Florida

Up from 4.4 in 2010, Florida had 4.5 divorces per 1,000 residents in 2011. The fourth largest state by population, Florida holds more than 19.5 million residents. That calculates to around 86,000 divorces in 2011.

Wyoming

4.8 divorces per 1,000 people in 2011 puts Wyoming at the state with the 7th highest divorce rate in America. Wyoming’s smaller population, 582,658, leads to a hard number of around 2,800 divorces in 2011.

Alaska

Alaska’s 2011 divorce rate was 4.8 per 1,000 residents. This was up 0.01 from 2010. Alaska has a population of 735,132, meaning around 3500 divorces in 2011.

Idaho

Idaho has the 5th highest divorce rate in the US, at 4.9 per 1,000 residents, or around 7900 divorces. Idaho has a population of 1,612,136.

Oklahoma

Being the subject of one of the most famous musicals doesn’t mean it’s all singing and dancing n O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A! The divorce rate in 2011 was at 5.2, consistent with 2010’s numbers. The population of Oklahoma is 3,850,568.

West Virginia

Almost heaven? Not for marriages. West Virginia claims the 3rd highest divorce rate in the US with 5.2 divorces per 1,000 residents which could give pause to West Virginia’s 1,854,304 residents.

Arkansas

Although the Clintons made it through the scandal, many Arkansas marriages wouldn’t have. At 5.3 divorces per 1,000 residents, Arkansas has the second highest divorce rate in the United States. Population: 2,959,373

Nevada

Home of Las Vegas, known for drive-through wedding chapels, Nevada has the dubious honor of being the state with the highest divorce rate, a whopping 5.6 divorces per 1,000 residents. Nevada’s population is 2,790,136 but the Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Authority claims more than 39.7 million visitors last year.

Interestingly enough, all of these states are either “red” or “purple” states. Red states are those where the Republican Presidential candidate won the state in all of the last four elections. Purple states are those where Republicans and Democrat candidates each won the state two of the last four Presidential elections.

Sixteen states and the District of Columbia have legalized same-sex marriages in the United States. Additionally, Illinois will begin issuing licenses in June, 2014. Oklahoma and Utah have stayed laws awaiting appellate court decisions for same-sex marriage laws. Eight Native American tribal jurisdictions issue marriage licenses for same-sex couples.

Outside of the US, 15 countries have legalized same-sex marriage, including Argentina, Belgium, Brazil, Canada, Denmark, France, Iceland, Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Portugal, Spain, South Africa, Sweden, and Uruguay. Additionally, parts of Mexico have legalized same-sex marriages and there are laws that will take effect in England and Wales in March, 2014.

With much of the world realizing the rights of same-sex couples to marry, have divorce rates been studied? Are same-sex marriages more or less likely to end in divorce? Does the same-sex divorce rate vary based on the gender of the spouses?

Because of the relatively short time span since legal rights were passed, there is less data available for calculating same-sex divorce rates. Additionally, in order to properly examine the numbers, a total population count of those who identify themselves as homosexual would be necessary. Usual divorce rates are presented as a number out of 1,000 population. Without even the population, coming up with reliable numbers of same-sex divorce is next to impossible, especially in the US.

Other countries, however, have released some data in regards to their same-sex marriages, according to Wikipedia:

Belgium: In 2009, 158 men and 213 women registered a divorce

Denmark: The vast majority of same-sex marriages are male-male and only 14% end in divorce, compared to 23% of female-female marriages. Same-sex marriage divorce rates are significantly lower than that of heterosexual couples.

Netherlands: More same-sex marriages between women than men are recorded, averaging 690 for women and 610 for men (from 2006-2001). During this same period, an average of 100 women and 45 men dissolved their same-sex marriages.

United Kingdom: Although same-sex marriage has not yet been enacted, less than 1% of civil partnerships end in divorce.

United States: For states that have legalized same-sex marriage, the divorce rate for same-sex couples is lower than that of opposite-sex couples. In 2011, an average of 1.1% of same-sex couples ended their legal relationship, compared to 2% of opposite-sex marriages ended in divorce.

As more states legalize both marriage and divorce for same-sex couples, data and information will increase. Adding a decade of numbers – in, say, 2024 – would go a long way towards creating real and valuable statistics. Until same-sex marriage is legal and accepted everywhere, and those surveyed are able to share their sexual preference without fear of reprisal, no true data can be collected.

Sources:

Wikipedia “Same-Sex Marriage”

Pink News “Less Than 1% of Civil Partnerships End in ‘Divorce’“

The Wall Street Journal “Same-Sex Divorce Stats Lag”

Filing for divorce is a huge decision – emotionally, legally and financially. In many cases, you may have to be legally separated for a length of time and most states have a mandatory waiting period before you can file. Consulting an attorney specializing in divorce laws is always important but perhaps even more important when spouses reside in separate states.

In order to know if you have to get your divorce in the same state where you got married, it boils down to residency of both you and your spouse.

If you both live in the same state where you were married, then you will file for divorce in that state.

If you both live in the same state, but not the state in which you were married, you will file for divorce in the state where you are residing. Pay attention to residency requirements for your state, as some require up to a full year of residency before you can file for divorce.

If you and your spouse live in different states, and meet residency requirements in those states, then you have a few options. You can file where you live or you can file where your spouse lives. It is best to consult an attorney who specializes in family law, as custody, child support, alimony and even settlement amounts will vary greatly from one state to another, based on the laws of each state.

Best

New Hampshire: New Hampshire requires those filing for divorce be residents – but there is no minimum residency time. Establishing residency can be as easy as “crossing the border and staying there.”

Wyoming: Wyoming has the second-lowest filing fee in America, $70.

Alaska: Like New Hampshire, there is no minimum residency period in Alaska, just a requirement that you be a resident. The filing fee is just $150.

Idaho: A short minimum processing time (62 days) and low filing fee ($129) make Idaho a divorce-friendly state.

South Dakota: A small filing fee of just $95 and a short minimum processing time of 60 days allows South Dakota to offer relatively cheap and quick divorces.

Worst

California requires a six-month residency before filing, plus a six month mandatory “cooling off period” after filing. With steep fees of $395, California is low on the list of places for simple and less-costly divorces.

Arkansas requires a mandatory 18-month separation, during which spouses cannot live together, before filing a no-fault divorce.

South Carolina is tied for the third-longest processing time of the states, with a one year mandatory separation during which the couple must live apart. If both spouses live in SC, a three-month residency is required. If, however, only one spouse is a resident, a one year residency is required.

Rhode Island couples face a five month cooling down period after filing for divorce, leading to a minimum processing period of 510 days.

Vermont is the hardest state in which to dissolve a marriage. In addition to a six month separation, during which the spouses must live separately, a three month “decree nisi” period must pass before a judge’s decree becomes final. Adding in fees of $262.50 to file, and residents may opt to hop that border to New Hampshire.

Sources:

Wikipedia “Divorce in the United States”

Bloomberg “The Best and Worst States for Getting Divorced”